• If there hadn’t been women we’d still be squatting in a cave eating raw meat, because we made civilization in order to impress our girlfriends. ...

  • “When I’m 80 years old, I’ll be reading Harry Potter. My family will say, ‘After all this time?’ and I will say ‘Always.’” – Alan...

  • The most important four words for a successful marriage: ‘I’ll do the dishes’. Advertisements

  • Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed. –...

  • My love is like a candle, if you forget me, I will burn your f**king house down. Advertisements

  • Good speech should be like a girl’s skirt. Long enough to cover the subject, short enough to create interest.  – Winston Churchill Advertisements

  • I’m getting old. Not only is my short-term memory horrible, but so is my short-term memory. Advertisements

  • One day I sat thinking, almost in despair; a hand fell on my shoulder and a voice said reassuringly: cheer up, things could get worse....

  • If Internet Explorer is brave enough to ask to be your default browser, you’re brave enough to ask that girl out. Advertisements